Ask Ayame
by CLAMP Doujinshi
Summary: Started by: Grimm. Ayame is here to answer all of the questions you've been waiting to ask! Just submit your question in the reviews and he will answer them, complete with fashion advice! Rating depending on questions... AYAME IS MOVING! CHECK CHAPTER 8!
1. Disclaimer and Metal Shrimp

**Started by: Akatori (Second Late Night Writer)**

**So this is basically going to be a fun little advice column. Sound fun? This chapter will be a question from a character in a different anime, just to start the story off. However, the following chapters will be questions that YOU, the readers have for Sohma Ayame. Remember, we will not post chapters unless we have at least two questions for Ayame, so get asking!**

**_The Late Night Writers Fanfiction Co. Does not own Fruits Basket in any way, shape, or form. Fruits Basket is owned by Natsuki Takaya (pen name) published in Hana to Yume magazine, distributed in the US by TokyoPop manga._**

**_

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_**Dear Ayame,

_So the thing is, everybody is constantly calling me "short", "midget", "puny", and even "chibi". It drives me mad and I find all my anger boiling up inside of me... like I could rip their ears off and feed them to a dog... ESPECIALLY my stupid boss who has a SERIOUS superiority complex! He's always like, "Oh, hi. Didn't see you behind all of that paper work there, hahaha." and acting like he's all this and that. It REALLY brings down my self esteem! Then my brother, who's a FRICKIN SUIT OF ARMOUR WITH A SOUL tells me I need to FRICKIN MANAGE MY ANGER! Not to mention this girl I've known for forever and a day suddenly decided it would be fun to THROW WRENCHES AT ME! Then of course, there's this psycotic revenge-fetish freak with red eyes and a big scar who's trying to blow up my brain. Not to mention my teacher is homocidal, and my boss's subordinates? Yeah, one's gun crazy, one won't stop smoking, one acts like a little kid and has some sort of puppy fetish, one is obsessed with his family and carries pictures everywhere, and one recites useless facts. Not to mention there's this guy with freakish muscles (I think he's on steroids) who is STALKING me and my brother, and whenever he talks these stupid sparkles come up. And he's all, "this has been passed down in my stupid frickin family for generations and crap". MY LIFE SUCKS!_

-FullMetal Shrimp

**Dear FullMetal Shrimp**

**_Let's answer one question at a time, and take it slowly. Don't be ashamed of your height! All that matters is that YOU know YOU are fabulous and beautiful. Now your boss probably doesn't mean anything, he's just trying to piss you off and such until you blow up. Don't worry, this isn't the worst that could happen, tee hee! Now, you shouldn't pay any mind to that brother of yours... you can't really trust someone who doesn't have a body... this girl who is throwing wrenches at you... maybe she feels sad, angry, or is filled with angst because you don't show her the affection a growing girl needs. Take her out on a date... a romantic one... even if you don't want to. After all, it will stop the wrench throwing. Now the man with the scar... he's trying to kill you... try sitting him down so you can TALK about the feelings and anger between you both, and solve something with a compromise. Even if he kills you anyway, at least you can say you tried... Now the gun crazy soldier... don't know about that one... the one who won't stop smoking... whatever, don't care... loli-shota-inu fetish one... sounds adorable! Dress him up in lolita and he won't seem as annoying! Now, back on topic. Family man... never mind... reciting useless facts... can't help with that. Now someone who is stalking you... simply tell him that you need your privacy and maybe he will respect you if you politely ask him to stop. The sparkles that you speak of... try to get him to try on something pink, that would look very lovely with the sparkles and muscles. _**

**_Oh dear, I do believe I only gave you useless advice and fashion tips._**

**_Well, I hope it helps anyway!_**

**-Ayame**

**

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**Ayame will be happy to answer any questions you have. Just ask what you want to know in the reviews, and we promise to answer all questions in later chapters.

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_IT'S AYAME NOT AAYAME! Anyways wow! this does sound like Ayame._

-Kyki (The First Late Night Writer)


	2. Nice Boyfriend Not So Nice Friend

**Akatori (Second Late Night Writer):**

**Yeah I decided to post this chapter anyway even though it's only one question because the question and answer together total about 400 words. So from now on we'll be posting new chapters if there is either three submitted questions for Ayame or 400 words.**

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Dear ayame,

_Ok so I had a boyfriend for about a month, and he dumped me! Anyway, so here I am, dating his best friend (which he said was ok) and my friend two days later says she likes my new boyfriend! I was like, 'sorry he is mine...' She is now trying to break us up... she is flirting with him now...and now he almost likes her...even though I am with him...but she is not acting like the real her around him... when she's around him she's cute and flirty, but really she's the exact opposite! I'm afraid he'll dump me for her... of course, when he finds out what she's really like, he'll dump her... then I'll try and get back together with him... but he probably won't want to get back together... AGH THIS HURTS MY BRAIN! Please help, Ayame!_

-tigersim1

**Dear tigersim1,**

**_This... sucks. But you probably already know that. Your so called "friend" really needs to get a life, and her own guy. You probably don't need me to tell you this, though. As for advice, if he DOES dump you for this girl... well, first think about how much you like this guy (is he really worth all the trouble?) and if he does get with your so-called "friend", what attracted him is her ditzy, stupid, airhead flirting. If that's really what attracts him to girls, maybe you should ask yourself if you should be dating him, anyway._**

**_Also, think about it. If he likes girls who are pretty, flirty, and have that "cute-I-don't-know-anything-complex", then what kind of a person is he? Honestly, some guys think stupid girls are cute. If he's attracted to girls because they're stupid and easy to manipulate, think about why he was attracted to you! Is the reason he's going out with you because he thinks you're stupid?_**

**_Of course, it's possible he only has eyes for you and could care less about this "friend."_**

**_Even so, think over your priorities. It might not be a bad idea to start talking to other guys around you, so that your boyfriend realizes that you would do just fine without him and show him that YOU are the one he should worry about being too good for him. Not the other way around._**

**-Ayame**


	3. New Friends and Not Being Emo

Dear Ayame,

_By the end of next month, I will be a freshmen at high school (yay!) But the thing is that I'll have no friends... NO, I am not a loner... its just that my close friends are going to different high schools, so iIll need to make new ones. The thing is that I'm not sure HOW to make new friends. what should I do?  
_  
izzi-chan

**Dear Izzi-Chan,**

**_You know, you shouldn't worry at all! It's true that it's not as easy to make friends in high school as it was in kindergarten, but it won't be that hard. All of your close friends are going to different high schools, but that doesn't mean you don't know anybody! Start by trying to talk to the people you kind of know and like, but were never really able to hang out with before. Also remember that in the transition from Junior High to High School, there are more kids from different schools coming to your high school. There will probably be a lot more people then there was in Junior High. About 700 per grade, usually. Think of it this way, out of 700 people, there has to be at least one person that you click with. If you're still worried about making friends and people liking you, just remember to be friendly. If you're working with someone you don't know on a class assignment, make a joke about the stupid accent the teacher has or something fun like that. Just make some small talk... if they don't talk back and look at you like you're an idiot, that's their problem and you probably don't want to be friends with people like that, anyway._**

**-Ayame**

Dear Ayame,

_People at my school keep calling me emo just because I wear black almost every day. At first, I just kept quiet about it, but I had all that anger boiling inside of me. After a while, I started ( accidentally) taking it out on my friends. They don't mind, because they are like, ten time worse then I am, but I felt bad. Any way, people still are calling me emo, and I punched someone ( hard) for doing so. I didn't get suspended, considering no one saw, and the guy I punched is now too afraid to tell a teacher, but he still calls me emo! Come, Mr. Girly Man, help me!  
_  
- Yuki Sohma's Dark Angel  
_P.S If you say anything to Yuki about me liking him, you surely will not be giving advice anymore, to ANYONE._

**Dear Yuki Sohma's Dark Angel,**

**_I know a girl who has a similar situation to you... yes, her name I believe is "Akatori" or something lame like that. Many people are so shallow that if you wear one black clothing item, they will label you emo and depressed. Personally, I believe black is a very elegant color and can go well with almost anything. You can use black fabric for any design you please. Formal dresses, wedding dresses, skirts, blouses, and... oh the endless possiblities! I'm sorry, I have to go sketch a few design ideas... just a second..._**

**_All right, I'm back. Where were we? Oh yes. So you're taking it out on your friends... yes, this should be the focus of your problem. See, it's good you feel bad about it... that means you're not an egocentric jerk. Everytime you feel the need to take out something on your friends, try and remember that they're a part of the few people who actually can respect you for who you are._**

**_This guy you punched... he seems terrified of you, and I think the best he can do is call you names from a distance. Next time he does this, walk up to him and ask if he wants to "say that to your face". If he gets scared, exclaim that he's a pansy who still remembers what happened last time he crossed your path. This will make him look like a sissy. Make sure to do this in front of a crowd. People will realize he's a coward._**

**_Ah, but why wouldn't you profess your love for my darling brother? Keep in mind that there are many girls attracted to him, and if you just go and talk to him... show him your elegant, femine charms... OH! I CAN GIVE YOU A COMPLETE MAKEOVER! I KNOW JUST THE COLORS THAT WILL MAKE YOU LOOK SUBTLE AND NOT TOO..._**

**_is kicked in the shin by Akatori_**

**_Oh, right. I forgot. I can't let you go near my brother, according to this crazed fangirl, Akatori..._**

**_is kicked in the shin once again_**

**_Stop that!_**

**-Ayame**


	4. Response from our readers

**A response from our readers**

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_thanks, "AYAME!" I am happy that you gave me advice! I will talk to my friend and remind her that he is mine._

ps. my friend tries to act like me because of my FUN persomality seems to get boys into me...so she acts like me not like a said "stupid cute girl" but thanks anyway!

-tigersim1

**Dear tigersim1,**

**_Oh, any time, any time. I think that the fact that she's trying to act like you is pretty pathetic, by the way... just remember that nobody can be a "better you" than you yourself._**

**_-_Ayame**

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_Thanks (; for the advice_

-Kyonkichi-san

**Dear Kyonkichi-san,**

**_You're very welcome, and good luck with your new friends!_**

**-Ayame**

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Dear Ayame,

_I am not in need for any advice, but I want to tell you I am not one of your brother's crazed fan girls, they are morons. Also, the day I let you give me a make-over is the day I die. Oh, and, I don't give a about Akatori, still love Yuki._

-Yuki Sohma's Dark Angel

**Dear Yuki Sohma's Dark Angel,**

**_Ah hehehe... I'm kind of frightened by you... however, my friend Akatori has something to say..._**

**-Ayame**

**Dear Yuki Sohma's Dark Angel,**

**_I don't give a about you either! Anyway, let's call a truce... crazed fangirls (especially Yuki's) are annoying... ignore little "Aya" here calling me a said "crazed fangirl" because I am not, I just think that bishonen are visually pleasing and Yuki has a nice personality._**

**_Unfortunately, as is the law of life for us women, all good looking men are either gay, jerks, or fictional characters. First reason is a problem because they wouldn't be interested in having a girlfriend, second reason because I wouldn't be interested in having them as a boyfriend, and third reason... I'm not fictional, unfotunately._**

**_Even so, you have to admit that Matoko is hilarious._**

**-Akatori**


	5. Strange Dream

It looks as though someone has enlightened Ayame on what Yuki really meant when he threw Ayame out of his house... reader had some dream that now is making Ayame ecstatic, because now Ayame believes Yuki is grateful for him. Um... well, we all have our own opinons...? Don't get your hopes up, Ayame...

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Dear Ayame,__

Ok well, I had a weird dream about you and your younger brother a few days ago.

Summarized:

Yuki's ill, fever whatever and doesn't seem to wake up.  
You are worried like he's about to die (he isn't... no need to start worrying) and wake him.

It ends with Yuki cheering "I have the best brother on earth he works as a fluffy pillow!!".

As I said weird... though I think that's understated. I'm no big Yuki fan, though I like the Mabudaichi trio .

Well I'm cuious, what do you think about that dream )?

Visit the following link and you can read it:  
/s/4362820/1/Weirddreamofmine  
  
-Phoenizie

**Dear Pheonizie,**

**_THAT WAS SURELY A SIGN OF DIVINE INTERVENTION! (Last week Yuki did get sick and I stayed home to care for him.) Well... instead of saying "I have the best brother on earth, he works as a fluffy pillow!" he kind of screamed at me, called me a stalked, and kicked me out of his house. I was deeply hurt._**

**_BUT SURELY AS THE HEAVENS GAVE YOU THIS DREAM IT MUST BE A SIGN THAT UNDERNEATH THOSE WORDS HE WAS TRUELY CALLING ME A FABULOUS BROTHER/PILLOW!_**

**_I am euphoric, now. I do believe I must tell everyone I know about this divine vision that you were given, enlightening you on my dear brother's thoughts._**

**_HATORI! I SHALL NOW CALL HATORI!_**

**-Ayame**

It seems as though my words fell on deaf ears. Ayame is now pathetically believing that his brother enjoys his company.


	6. Current Situations?

**A/N**

**Grimm here by the way, not Ayame. Aya is taking a nap for the time being, so I guess I'm just going to have to do the announcement myself...**

**Seeing as I... erm, I mean Ayame-san hasn't updated this story in a while, there are probably a lot of problems that you guys entered that are already fixed, or already changed.**

**If your problem that you left in a review hasn't changed, please leave a review for Ayame stating that you still would like my... HIS advice. If it's changed, please write a new review updated with whatever problematic problems have added themselves onto the original problem. If the problem is solved, (no thanks to Ayame) then sure, whatever, you can leave a flame. **

**Just bash Aya, and not me, okay? Aya doesn't mind flames... he loves himself so much that NOTHING can bring him down. Except Yuki. Yeah...**

**So, he will be giving advice once again when you guys inform him on your current situations and crap.**

**-Grimm**


	7. So Called Friends and Color Crisis

**A/N**

**Ayame is touched that you're still asking for advice. Oh, and this time a guy wrote for advice, too! Good for you!**

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_Dear Ayame,_

Help!! My friends say that i'm too vivacious and get OVERLY-excited over little petty issues.  
I have this project partner who's always OVER-OPTIMISTIC and two best friends (a straight-face and an annoying pervert)  
WHO ALWAYS QUARREL! AND theres this hateful sadist who always comments on my blog.. Plus,I have temper issues at times...

-_Person Number 1 (sorry Grimm is too lazy to look back for your penname)_

**_Dear Person Number 1, _**

_Well, maybe you don't want to hear this, but before trying to change other's personalities, you should start with your own.  
Maybe you DO get overly excited over insignificant subjects, and maybe you really are too vivacious. Don't automatically  
assume that you're perfect... don't automatically assume that your friends are just saying this to put you down. Even if you  
don't believe that what they're saying about you is true, this is how you appear to other people. Would you enjoy being with  
someone who freaked out everytime a speck of dust landed on their nose?_

_As for your over-optimistic project partner... OH HO HO THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH A LITTLE HEALTHY OPTIMISIM, ISN'T THERE?  
-GRIN- YES, OPTIMISIM CAN BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY AND ANYBODY'S DAY... hey, um... Miss Grimm...?_

-Grimm pushes Ayame over-

Look, Aya-chan, I'm sorry, but you're not the right person for the rest of her question. Bye! -pushes Ayame off stage-  
anywho, over-optimism IS probably one of the most annoying things you will face, but trust me, you're going to face  
a hell of a lot more people who are floaty and annoyingly Tohru Honda-ish in your life. Pretend that it doesn't bother you,  
and use the fact that the project is not a life sentence to help you grin and bear it... waiting for calvary... the day  
when you will be free...

If your two best friends are always fighting, then tell them to stop. Hehehehe... you've probably already told them, haven't  
you? And they're not stopping? Oro... I had a problem like this last year. The best thing to do is play super nanny and  
seperate them. You might want to spend time with both of them, at the same time, but maybe that's not always possible. If  
they get a little distanced and they're not around each other as much, maybe they'll actually be able to stand each other.  
I'm not saying you should go up to them and say "oh yeah, Grimm says that you can't be in the same room so go sit in seperate  
corners. Here's a sandwich." because that's just going to not only get them pissed off at each other, but also pissed off at  
you. Simply only try to hang out with one friend at a time. This will limit the time they spend together because they're not  
around each other when they're with you.

Hateful sadist that flames your blog? Hahahaha... hey, I have an idea. Can you give me your blog URL? You'll see my master  
solution to this problem in a few days... hahaha...

**-Grimm _(and a little of Ayame at the beginning)_**

_Dear Ayame,_

I knew right away that you should be the one to hear me out, partly because I'm also a snake from the Zodiac but mostly because  
I'm having a bit of fashion trouble.

I don't mind seeing myself as a casual guy but what I'd really like to do is find a specific style. What colors, would you  
say, reflect a sense of intelligence? I like purple personally, but I just need a second opinion.

_-Kyuubi_

**_Dear Kyuubi,_**

_Well, I'm flattered that you came here for fashion advice! -stands proudly on random rock, waves crashing, sunlight halo on  
his head- if only Yuki would ask me for advice... -gloom-_

_Intelligence... well, purple is always a good option, like you said. Dark purple, though. Lavender makes you look more  
im-an-idiot-oh-look-a-peice-of-duck-ass-let-me-eat-it type of guy, so always use dark purple. Really, most dark, cool colors  
reflect a sense of intelligence. Navy blue, for example, is something you cannot go wrong with. Black is also one of the  
best colors you could wear. Dark green is okay, but I would use that as a last resort. Crimson could work, but again, it's  
not the best choice._

_Ah... well, that's as far as colors go. For style? Don't wear polo shirts... they make anybody look like a snob... no tight  
shirts, either, it makes you look like a male slut. Skinny jeans are overrated, they just look uncomfortable and ill fitting.  
Um... Grimm? Why are you here again?_

Well, Ayame, it's time for me to step in again. -pushes Ayame off- anway, Grimm here. Skinny jeans are overrated unless  
you're emo... then they look hot. Hehehe... something tells me you aren' emo, so don't wear skinny jeans, okay? And don't  
wear your jeans below your knees... that's just... wrong. Well-fitting jeans, a good-fitting shirt. Okay? NOTHING ELSE.

**-Grimm _(and a bit of Ayame)_**


	8. Ayame is moving!

**A GIFT FOR THE READERS!!**

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It's decided. _Ask Ayame _is popular enough to have it's own space. So, Ayame is kissing fanfiction goodbye and has rented out a domain from CLAMP Doujinshi to move his advice column to a nice, cozier, more "Ayame Sohma-ish" spot.

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**cdfanfictions**DOT**webs**DOT**com**SLASH**ayame**DOT**html**

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if that's stupid and hard to follow, we have the link to it on our profile page.

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The advice column is not closed! Just because it's had it's final entry on this site doesn't mean Ayame is going to stop answering your questions! We're just moving this story, that's all. Please, don't just stop reading because it's not on fanfiction anymore. Go to the site. And don't stop submitting questions, either!

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if you have questions, email them to...

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**AskAyame**AT**hotmail**DOT**com**

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